Black

New school year.
I'm not really sure if this is how I imagined it.
But it's good.
I've been finding that I'm a lot more aware of things.
Ny was telling me that the church she interned at this summer was really judgmental, and so one day she painted her nails black.
I guess she got a lot of nasty stares.
So my experient for tomorrow:
I've painted my nails black.
How many people will say something to me?
And how many of the responses will be negative?
We'll find out.
I don't really know why it's so weird anyways.
I mean it's just nail polish.
You paint your nails pink, I painted mine black.
Oh the human "intelect".

Amor

This last weekend I was so blessed to have my Mom and Papa visit. It was so so wonderful to see them, spend time with them, and share with them a little of what I'm doing here, what I'm learning, what I'm becoming. I will talk more about it later. But one thing that is on my heart is something that my tica mom said after my family left.

"Existen muchas lenguas, pero la lengua universal es amor."

Translation: Many languages exist, but the universal language is love.

After spending some time crying with her in happiness and also sadness for my mom and papa leaving, and for me to be leaving in a few weeks, I heard this song. It hit home. And I need to remember and represent God's love.

Let My Love Open the Door
by Audio Adrenaline

When people keep repeating
That you'll never fall in love
When everybody keeps retreating
But you can't seem to get enough

Let my love open the door
Let my love open the door
Let my love open the door
To your heart

When everything feels all over
When everybody seems unkind
I'll give you a four leaf clover
Take all the worry out of your mind

Let my love open the door
Let my love open the door
Let my love open the door
To your heart

I have the only key to your heart
I can stop you falling apart
Try today, you'll find this way
Come one and give me a chance to say
Let my love open the door
It's all I'm living for
Release yourself from misery
Only thing's gonna set you free
That's my love

Let my love open the door
Let my love open the door
Let my love open the door
To your heart

When tragedy befalls you
Don't let them bring you down
Love can cure your problems
You're so lucky I'm around

Let my love open the door
Let my love open the door
Let my love open the door
To your heart

Ugly Duckling

Today I feel like the ugly duckling. It's just that I guess gringos are not meant to be in the sun for too long. Only 1 1/2 days of sunshine and just the next day I am peeling all over my face in rediculous amounts. Parts of my face are brown, parts are pink, parts have attached skin, and all day it has been soaked with lotion and aloe. It is not attractive. But it's what I give in return for freedom and a beach.

This past weekend ws our spring break, so of course we all went to the beach. Another visit to the beautiful Manuel Antonio. I cannot describe in words, or show in pictures how beautiful this place is. It's one of those places where you see the beauty God can create. I collected probably 30 or 40 sea shells...a vast majority of which on the Oregon Coast you could not actually find, you'd have to buy at a store. And I just picked them up, straight out of the water. I absolultey love shells. I first love the act of collecting them. Taking a walk on the beach with your toes squidging in the sand, and then being cleansed by the rushing olas (waves). In my case, it was a peaceful solitary walk, in which I had lots of time to process, think, and pray. And then searching and searching for the shells, looking for the little sparkles to catch your eye, digging in the sand, waiting for the waves to bring in more, and finally finding a something, something extravagant and beautiful. And then washing away the sand from the shell as it reveals all its beauty. They are probably one of the best souveneirs...and their free!

Today we started our concentrations...YAY, new classes! I think they will be pretty good. 8 sessions only...grammar review and literature readings...there are 2 papers. And then the rest of the days we all have internships...mine is at a Center for Street Kids...and I get to work with Clint. So I am really excited about that. I love working with kids! I'm praying God will use me there. We have to keep a journal for this, so that will be a good thing to process. These things will last 3 weeks. And then the last week we are going to Panama. More on that later. Sad thing about concentrations - we have to split up! Sad. Sad. Science people left today and we won't see them for about 2 1/2 weeks. Then on Monday the Latin American Studies people leave, and we won't see them for the same length of time. Even the people in my concentration I will only see 2 days a week (except clint), because the other days we have our internships. I guess they are just slowly trying to rip us apart...as in less than 5 weeks time, we will be ripped apart forever. I am honestly not looking forward to that. We have all become family. Yes, there are annoyances, and tiffs...but there is love and support and learning. And I'm going to miss these guys. But let's not think about that now...

On a happier note. In about 49 hours I will be hugging my mom and my papa. I am overwhelmed with joy. I absolutely cannot wait. I'm excited for them to get to meet my tico family. And we also get to do some fun Costa Rica things:
see an active volcano
swim in hot springs
hike through a rainforest
tour the canopy of a rainforest by aeriel tram
and of course hit up San Jose

Sometimes I hate writing these blogs, because I feel like I am only telling you what I am doing, and not what I am thinking, feeling, or how I'm growing. Those are a hard thing to write in words. But know that I can't wait to see you all this summer/this fall and talk about my life with you. I think of you often and miss you like crazy.

Blessings...

I know, I'm completely past due for an update...
I'm sorry...
But I'm telling you, time here is just flying.
I honestly don't know how it's going so fast.
As soon as we got back from Nicaragua it's been 2 weeks of working on group projects and papers, and research. fun. But tomorrow is the last day of this class. So I am way excited. It has been really good for me, eye opening, thinker, challenging. But I'm ready to dive into all that, rather than just sit and listen about it.
I have gotten to do some reading though, so that's been nice...
Actually, I read an entire book today. haha.
And yesterday I read the last half of a book.
I know, I know, I'm rediculous. I just love books.
Sex God by Rob Bell
and Irresistible Revolution by Shane Claiborne.
You should check them out.
Funny thing is that they perfectly alligned with things I've been thinking about.
God is so good in that way, he is definitely a humorous God.


I finally took care of my class schedule for the fall, and almost have housing worked out. That was such a pain, being all the way across the country.

I have such amazing friends. Gamma sent Danna and I a package. And I know of 2 other packages coming from friends. It has been so sweet to get letters too! It is such an encouragement. Because although I am living my dream, not everything hear is easy. There are a lot of challenges, and hardship, and of course I miss all of you. But of course God is blessing me in so many ways.

One of them is a week from today - My papa and my mom are coming to visit!!! I am so ready for that! Pray that they have a safe trip here.

Honestly, I don't have much to say, and you probably are annoyed by that...wondering what my adventures here are...but I guess it is just so much that I wouldn't even know where to start. I am going to Manuel Antonio again this weekend...so maybe I'll have some more stories for you then. It's just that these last 2 weeks have been a lot of contemplating on my life, where it's going, what I can do with it, how i need to change it or strengthen it, what the bible says about all this, and how God is integrated into my very fiber. Maybe in the future I'll have some posts about that.

Love you all! Happy day!

Thinking and a day I put on my top 5

I´m spending my last night in Nicaragua, reconviened with my group after a week of living in the slums of a small Nicaraguan port town. I literally lived in a house that didn´t have full walls, and was probably 6 by 6, and was only one room. I´ll put up a picture soon...one picture is all you need to see my whole house. I haven´t finished processing yet...so I´ll let you know sometime...maybe.

But today was a beautiful day.
It might be only my top 5 list of favorite days ever.

1. Wake up, shower (after a week of only bathing in rivers), eat a beautiful breakfast with pancakes (first time since being in the US)
2. Process time with the group...with some great stories....and funny ones at that...(if you´re lucky I´ll tell you some soon)
3. Free time!!! Lunch, Hammock swinging, dangling legs in the pool, walking around the town, buying some gifts and eclectic jewelery
4. Carriage Ride
5. Boat Ride
6. Tour of islands!!!
7. Monkies...
8. And island where I ate four mangoes that just fell off a tree, and they were free. And it was my favorite moment ever.
9. Dinner...where I was served an actual whole fish(eyes and all). I ate the tale too...mmm....Dad, you would have been proud.
10. carriage ride back and some more shopping
11. swinging in a hammock under the stars and talking to God.
12. Telling all of you about this wonderful day.

More later....love you all.
And really really miss you, bye the way.

Just another typical day

Except not really.

First, It is official -
My brother is ENGAGED
I know.
Please view this:

He must stinking love her.
The date is set for October 11th, 2008.
That officially means I am in 3 weddings this year.
Once again craziest year of my life.
This is how it goes:
Costa Rica
Spain
21st Birthday
Summer Job/hang out with the fam
Wedding in Oklahoma
Wedding in Oregon
New baby cuz!
Start last year of school
Fly home for brothers wedding
etc etc etc
Definitely not a typical year - But a blessed one.

Today was interesting.
We went to the US embassy here in Costa Rica.
I am struggling with how to mix two things - being patriotic, yet criticizing the things that the US government does. Because if you aren't aware - the US government is not always giving the complete truth (ha). But going to the embassy today was frusterating becuase they sugarcoat everything. I mean it's rediculous. I see so many things here with my own eyes, and then we go to the embassy and they open up a Q&A session, but every question we asked is basically answered in a way that prods and pokes around the subject, but doesn't actually answer our questions. I read a couple of articles about US/Latin American Relation from the US point of view. Man, what a bunch of liars. But then you read articles about the same subject but from the Latin American point of view. Again, what a bunch of liars. So one of my profs (although it seems kind of weird to call him that) gave me this poem in leau of my struggle, and I wanted to share it with you...

"Manifesto: The Mad Farmer Liberation Front" by Wendell Berry

Love the quick profit, the annual raise,
vacation with pay. Want more
of everything ready-made. Be afraid
to know your neighbors and to die.
And you will have a window in your head.
Not even your future will be a mystery
any more. Your mind will be punched in a card
and shut away in a little drawer.
When they want you to buy something
they will call you. When they want you
to die for profit they will let you know.

So, friends, every day do something
that won't compute. Love the Lord.
Love the world. Work for nothing.
Take all that you have and be poor.
Love someone who does not deserve it.
Denounce the government and embrace
the flag. Hope to live in that free
republic for which it stands.
Give your approval to all you cannot
understand. Praise ignorance, for what man
has not encountered he has not destroyed.

Ask the questions that have no answers.
Invest in the millenium. Plant sequoias.
Say that your main crop is the forest
that you did not plant,
that you will not live to harvest.
Say that the leaves are harvested
when they have rotted into the mold.
Call that profit. Prophesy such returns.

Put your faith in the two inches of humus
that will build under the trees
every thousand years.
Listen to carrion - put your ear
close, and hear the faint chattering
of the songs that are to come.
Expect the end of the world. Laugh.
Laughter is immeasurable. Be joyful
though you have considered all the facts.
So long as women do not go cheap
for power, please women more than men.
Ask yourself: Will this satisfy
a woman satisfied to bear a child?
Will this disturb the sleep
of a woman near to giving birth?

Go with your love to the fields.
Lie down in the shade. Rest your head
in her lap. Swear allegiance
to what is nighest your thoughts.
As soon as the generals and the politicos
can predict the motions of your mind,
lose it. Leave it as a sign
to mark the false trail, the way
you didn't go. Be like the fox
who makes more tracks than necessary,
some in the wrong direction.
Practice resurrection.

i don't know

1. Where does time go? Because I really don't know.
2. Why did I get the house with the dryer, working stove, freezer, hot shower, and warm bed? I really really don't know.
3. Why in the world do they give us too much homework (that they don't think we'll ever really finish, but we do anyway?) I really really really don't know.
4. why do i crave chocolate all the stinking time? I really honestly don't know, considering I am getting my fill of real, live, fresh, sweet mangoes here. Mmmmm...
5. ya da ya da ya da.

But you know what....I am okay with not knowing.

So instead, here are some things I do know.
1. In the words of Jen, I am a perriferica snob. That's just all there is too it. (Long story short we have two options in getting from ILE...Take the 30 minute, 150 colones bus to San Jo, and then take the 1 hour, 195 colones bus home. -OR- take the 40 minute, 250 colones perriferica to Guadalupe, and the 20 minute, 195 colones bus home. Spend a 100 colones more (ie 20 cents) and get home 1/2 an hour earlier, and avoid the stinking San Jo traffic. heck yes. Plus...the people on the perri are a little nicer, a little softer, in comparison to the cat calling, triple tounge peirced, creepers who ride the bus to San Jo). So I will admit to my snobbines. And I am okay with that too.
2. I also know that not a day goes by that I don't see AT LEAST one car wreck (ususally its more like 5), LA drivers are REDICULOUS! I mean, it's really unbelievable. Sometimes I honestly feel like I am going to die. Kinda scary, and thrilling all the same.
3. I have sucumb to a few guilty pleasures while I've been here: the beach, coffee, not doing my hair.
4. I am lazy. To my ladies in the nude (ie my sophomore suite) - we can all agree that I was probably the cleanest one of you all that year. I mean lets be honest - i took a shower almost everyday, and you all....well at least you tried to brush you hair. But see the thing is, I've learned that sometimes there are just things that are more valuable than showers. For instance, sleeping, or finishing that paper before you are late to class, or sleeping, or just the fact that you can put your hair back up into the ponytail and not worry about it. So you should be proud of me. To my family - don't worry, I shower at least everyother day. BUT I make no promises for when I'm in Nicaragua. The main point being that I probably won't have access to a shower, much less plumbing for that matter.
5. I really love the fact that mi mama does my laundry for me. It's amazing
6. I judge people a lot. which i hate about myself
7. There once was this boy. Yesterday I DID NOT LIKE HIM (creeper, annyoing, rude, etc, etc, etc)...and then he spilled his guts and cried and loved my cookies. Today I appreciate him. Tomorrow, who knows tal vez I'll like him.
8. God makes me feel like an idiot, prooves me wrong - and then at the same time makes me crack up.
9. I hate cancer. (way way too many people are affected by it)
10. Life is not fair, but if it was, we would all be idiots anyways.


Last night Jen spent the night, and we both slept in my twin sized bed. It was great and comfy, which is a good thing, since when my mom gets here she's gonna have to share my bed with me. We had a let it all out night. It was fabulous. We were absolutely gringos - it was rediculous. We went and bought ingredients to make cookies. We ate McDonalds for dinner (ewww, i don't even like mcdonalds...what the heck was I thinking). We bought popcorn, chips, and chocolate...and ate a lot of it, while watching step up. We slept in, then made cookies, and ditched our homework (If I didn't have a stupid test today, we really would have skipped class). But we just needed a day of junk, a day of whatever. And I think it helped.I had a break down yesterday. i'm pretty sure it was just everything piling, piling, piling. But I had a good cry and now I'm good.

I'm ready for a little beach this weekend before I have to start a ton of stinking homework for next week. I decided that I'm going to the beach. I should do homework, yes. But you know what? I AM IN COSTA RICA. enough said.

My heart hurts though. Some of you know - some not. But Ryan Holley's dad found out that he had cancer just weeks before we left for the christmas break, and has been battleing and it's quickley taken him, Ryan is on a study program in LA and has been flying back and forth btw there and home to see his dad. On Monday his dad died. It's just really not fair. Ryan is the most uplifting, encouraging, spiritual guy that I know, I admire him in so many ways. And nowing his pain hurts my heart. I also just discovered that one of the girls on our trip, her mom just passed away from cancer like 5 weeks before coming on the trip. It just frusterates me, and angers me, and I don't know what to do with it. The only way I can put it, is that it's not fair. But like I said, if life were fair we'd all be idiots anyways.

Anyways - on a happier note - I honestly, absoluetly love Costa Rica. No words to say that with enough passion. And God knew what he was doing when he stuck me with the host family I'm with. The other night my brother spilled his guts to me, shared his life story - wowzers. My mom is so understanding, and she just lifts me up. And God knew so much that I needed to be here THIS semester. The people in my group are mroe amazing that I could explain. And I'm already dreading the day I have to part with them. That is also not fair. But like I said, idiots.

So I don't know a lot of things, but what I do know is that God is good, all the time. And all the time, God is good.